Monday, March 16, 2009

And Now For Some Mitch Hedberg Knee Slappers



"Whenever I walk, people try to hand me out fliers, and when someone tries to hand me out a flier, it's kinda like they're saying, "Here, you throw this away."

"My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck’s really going on down there? Who is the real hero?"

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."

"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."

"If you go to the grocery store and stand in front of the lunch meat section for too long, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna -- somebody needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourself."

Mitch Hedberg 1968 - 2005

via laughtrack


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2 comments:

  1. More Mitch and more comedian post.

    ReplyDelete
  2. the third and fourth ones are some of my favorite Hedberg quotes.

    props.

    p.s.
    Brandon linked me up to your blog.

    ReplyDelete